I don't know what my deal is lately, but I've been having a pretty stellar pity party for myself. Its not like anything is wrong, I've just been feeling down and out. Although I think I know where this is coming from: my job situation. Things at work have been not so great, all of the teachers are stressed, kids are nuts, and paras are starting to feel under appreciated with talk of having to cut back on staffing for next year. And me, I'm starting to get tired of being just a para. I'm tired of not getting to teach. I'm tired of not having music in my life on a daily basis. I'm tired of having to run flash cards or have students read me a book or cut out laminate or make copies or distribute gallons upon gallons of ketchup, ranch, salsa, or BBQ sauce or stand around for indoor recess duty. I've been finding myself thinking, "I went to college for five years and I'm doing this?" Then, I found out that I'm not going to get to apply for the job that I had been putting all my hopes in for a music job for next year all because I'm currently not a certified LPS staff member.
BUT I've got to remember that all of these thoughts are just Satan trying to wear me down and win me over. I've got to remember that this is all apart of God's plan, and I've got to be thankful for what He has give me. The Women's Bible Study Group at church is doing the Beth Moore study, Living Free. Which is all about giving every thing over to God. Which is really what I need right now. Its funny how God just makes everything fall perfectly into place. So right after I had a breakdown thinking I was going to be a para for the rest of my life, I discovered a job opening for next year! Its in a small town in between Lincoln and Omaha called Gretna. So everyone pray for God's will and guidance in this whole process for me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm still staying positive. I'm giving this to God and stepping aside. And trying to leave my pity party in the past. Maybe I'll just watch a sappy movie and cry it out for an hour. For some reason I think that might just help!
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.
2 Samuel 22:2
You can do this! I am so glad you are staying positive! You can do this! And all with time. For everything there is a reason. Also, your "pitty" party.... you have to remember, you are getting less sun light, so here soon your mood should perk up too!
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